Drabbles of the Host Club
by RanMouri82
Summary: Short stories of friendship, love, and hijinks in the Ouran High School Host Club.
1. Synapse Malfunction

**Title:** Synapse Malfunction?  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** No own Ouran High School Host Club. Wish I did, but I do not.  
**Warnings:** First Ouran ficlet ever!  
**Notes: **There must be a logical reason Tamaki's allure fails on Haruhi, right? (Originally published 6/30/2006; ouran_100: #1—beginnings)

This is a complete drabble series I once posted on the LiveJournal community ouran_100. Please enjoy!

* * *

_Synapse Malfunction?_

Haruhi found Tamaki gazing through the window on the gardens below. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes," Tamaki said, knitting his brow. "You see, I'm beginning to . . . have doubts."

Haruhi blinked. _Does he want to write off my debt? But that's not like him—I think._

Suddenly, Tamaki whirled, snatching Haruhi's chin so their noses almost touched. "Do you feel nothing? Nothing at _all?_"

"I'm beginning to feel irritated," Haruhi replied, twitching an eyebrow as she shrugged him away and left. "I've got an exam to study for."

Tamaki gasped. _Now I'm certain! Haruhi's—concealing a nerve disorder!_

"Poor thing . . . ."


	2. Bunny Hunny

**Title:** Bunny Hunny  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** No ownie Ouran High School Host Club. Hatori Bisco ownie . . . lucky chick.  
**Notes:** After reading a line in the Wikipedia entry on Ouran that said Hunny closely resembles Momiji, this weirdness fell out of my brain. Enjoy! (Originally published 7/3/2006)

_Bunny Hunny_

Haruhi had barely opened the Host Club's door when Hunny, dressed in a bunny costume, grabbed her waist. "Ich liebe dich, mein frauline!"

"No, no!" Tamaki scolded. "Mix the German with more Japanese!"

Sweatdropping, Haruhi muttered, "Can someone tell me what's going on?"

"It's simple," Kyoya explained, sorting the weekly budget report. "A lot of girls have compared Hunny with Sohma Momiji of _Fruits Basket_. We're giving them what they want."

Mori nodded while Hikaru and Kaoru fussed with the bunny ears—and pried Hunny off Haruhi.

"It's almost . . . disturbing," Haruhi murmured.

But Hunny only fluffed his tail. "Sehr gut!"


	3. Hosting Cromartie

**Title:** Hosting Cromartie  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** Hatori Bisco owns Ouran High, not me. And not like an actual school or anything, just the series.  
**Warnings:** If you've never heard of Cromartie, this will make no sense. Crack fic!  
**Characters/Pairings:** Kamiyama/Haruhi? Nah.  
**Notes:** Though it's probably self-explanatory, Kamiyama narrates in italics. Enjoy! (Originally published 7/7/2006)

_Hosting Cromartie_

_Dearest Mother . . . today Bass High kidnapped Maeda again, but our cab somehow ended up at _Ouran_ High_—

"Just hand over Maeda," Hayashida growled, tapping Tamaki with his lavender mohawk.

Kaoru and Hikaru dove beneath Hayashida's chin and nuzzled noses. "Brother, I'll protect you!"

Mori stared. Hunny, blinking, offered Freddie a lollipop.

"Wait, you're from Cro High?" cried Haruhi, suddenly. "Bass is ten blocks from my house!"

_After Haruhi drew us a map on a doily, we finally rescued Maeda; you know, for a guy, Haruhi's kinda . . . cute._

_WHAT AM I SAYING?!_

That evening . . .

"Mother!" Tamaki wailed, "Make this gorilla _leave!_"


	4. A First Time for Everything

**Title:** A First Time for Everything  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** My life is emptier because I will never own Ouran. Alas.  
**Characters/Pairings:** Haruhi/Tamaki  
**Notes:** The kiss-a-holic reveals one secret too many! Written before the canon ending(s). (Originally published 7/14/2006; ouran_100: #2—secrets)

_A First Time for Everything_

"Tamaki, you . . . _mean_ that."

Haruhi shuddered beneath the lengthening shadows of their graduation day and wondered why her chest was pounding—but found the answer in Tamaki's earnest gaze.

"T-that's nice," she stammered, a blush setting her face on fire. _What's _wrong_ with me?_ "I—I mean . . . ."

Their eyes met. Swallowing, Tamaki lifted Haruhi's chin and—

_WHAM!_

The Host Club king and boyish girl clasped their foreheads in pain, wincing as the others emerged from the bushes and clapped.

"Sorry!" Tamaki cried, flinging a hand toward Haruhi. "I've never done this before!"

Kyoya smirked. "He admits it so loudly, too."


	5. The Melancholy of Fujioka Haruhi

**Title:** The Melancholy of Fujioka Haruhi  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** Hatori Bisco owns Ouran High, not me. Waaaaah.  
**Characters:** The Host Club . . . and the SOS Brigade!  
**Notes:** This is almost a crossover sequel, ne? Light _is_ in there, though the characters aren't very bright. (Originally published 8/3/2006; ouran_100: #6—light)

_The Melancholy of Fujioka Haruhi_

"What kind of mystery's in _here?_" Kyon grumbled, tugging on a pilfered uniform of Ouran High School. Having mugged several students, Suzumiya Haruhi now led the SOS Brigade to an unused music room.

"Watch!" Haruhi cried, turning a brass handle and flinging open the door.

"Welcome!" cooed the entire Host Club, surrounded by swirls of shimmering rose petals.

"I see," Yuki said, glancing up from her book. "The second shortest with large brown eyes is a female of the species."

"No!" Haruhi spat, thrusting out an accusing finger. "It's that we, two concurrent anime heroines . . . have the _same given name!_"

". . ."


	6. Hot in Herre

**Title:** Hot in Herre  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran. Go ask Bisco Hatori about that _owning_ thing.  
**Notes:** Sometimes, even Mori speaks up. Literally. (Originally published 8/16/2006; ouran_100: #8—heat, #9—debate)

_Hot in Herre_

"This foolish addition," Kyouya concluded, pushing up his glasses, "would cost the Host Club millions."

Tamaki slammed the table in lordly defiance. "A hot tub would be the perfect setting for _many_ themes—"

"Like Haruhi wearing a bikini!" chimed the twins.

Soon, the third music room dissolved into heated debate, ranting, and wild chases involving the twins, Haruhi, and an outraged Tamaki.

"_Ne_, Takashi, what do you think?" Hunny asked his tall companion—while clutching Bun-Bun.

Mori eyed the chaos, nodded, and stood. "It's . . . a bad idea."

When the others froze, Kyouya smiled. _A man of few, but _effective_ words._


	7. How to Soothe a Drama Queen

**Title:** How to Soothe a Drama Queen  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** Hatori Bisco owns Ouran. My owning Ouran is an unfulfilled dream.  
**Notes:** After watching the episode that introduces Ranka, this plunnie hopped in! Enjoy! (Originally published 8/23/2006; ouran_100: #3—comfort)

_How to Soothe a Drama Queen_

Sobbing, Ranka pounded his manicured fists on the floor and cried, "This can't happen!"

"Dad? Don't worry," Haruhi said, patting his back. The former Host Club members all twitched eyebrows: Ranka wailed like a baby in his dress of flounces and bows while Haruhi winced, bending over him in her simple wedding white. "I'll be okay, I promise."

"It's not that—it's this!" Ranka bellowed, gobs of mascara running down his cheeks as he grabbed the hem of his gown and pulled it to his waist. All were transfixed at the garish sight.

"I have . . . _a run in my pantyhose!_"


	8. Safety

**Title:** Safety  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran. *cries*  
**Notes:** As Haruhi protected her in the storm, she felt the strangest deja vu. (Originally published 9/14/2006; ouran_100: #11—d_éjà vu_)

_Safety_

"M-Mommy!" the girl cried, digging honey brown curls into her mother's bosom. Long arms drew the tiny body close as it shook with each lightning flash.

"Shhh, Aiko, it's okay," Haruhi murmured, arranging the coverlets around them and cursing the fact she had told her husband not to worry, but go make his presentation long-winded.

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

Aiko blinked innocent eyes. "Were you ever scared of thunder?"

"Once, years ago," Haruhi replied, touching the tip of Aiko's nose. Thunder clapped, Aiko jumped like a startled kitten—and Haruhi held her, feeling a sense of déjà vu. "But you're not alone."


	9. In the Cards

**Title:** In The Cards  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** Hatori Bisco owns Ouran, and she won't share with me!  
**Notes:** The cards told Haruhi's misfortune. The _playing_ cards. (Originally published 9/18/2006; ouran_100: #13—unlucky)

_In the Cards_

"Haruhi!" cried Tamaki, enveloped in gloom. On the table were scattered several rows of playing cards. "Why is this commoner game not working?"

"Solitaire?" Haruhi asked, arching an eyebrow. "It's not a game that works or doesn't—"

"Now I see," murmured a cloaked figure, slithering his hand past Tamaki's shoulder to point at the disarray. "The cards read misfortune."

"Nekozawa," Haruhi sighed, "Those aren't tarot—"

"Right! It's unlucky!" Tamaki cried, thrusting a finger in the air. "Kyouya, we need a new deck!"

Scribbling on his clipboard, Kyouya replied, "Alright . . . but this adds to your debt, Haruhi."

Haruhi only grimaced. "Unlucky . . . ."


	10. Goldeneye

**Title:** Goldeneye  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** Hatori Bisco won her ownership of Ouran in a raffle. Okay, not really.  
**Characters:** Haruhi, Hikaru and Kaoru  
**Notes:** Haruhi spied, with her little eye, something . . . gold? (Originally published 1/24/2007; ouran_100: #10—lessons)

_Goldeneye  
_

One day before class, as Hikaru and Kaoru pet and otherwise manhandled Haruhi, the crossdressing female made a startling observation.

"Something's always been strange about you two," Haruhi mused aloud, not noticing their identically raised eyebrows. "But now I know what it is."

"What?" the twins asked in monotone.

Haruhi peered at them. "Your eyes. They're . . . gold?"

"Oh," Hikaru said, shrugging his shoulders, "there's a good reason for that."

The twins rose from their desks, then grinned as golden light flashed from their golden eyes. "To shoot laser beams!"

Fujioka Haruhi woke up, _never_ to try imitation fatty tuna again.


	11. Best Part of a Birthday

**Title:** Best Part of a Birthday  
**Author:** ran_mouri82  
**Word Count:** 100  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** Hatori Bisco owns Ouran, and it's her unbirthday!  
**Characters:** Haruhi, Hunny, Mori, and Chika  
**Notes:** The birthday of any Ouran student was a grand affair. (Originally published 7/14/2008)

_Best Part of a Birthday_

The birthday of any Ouran student was a grand affair, Fujioka Haruhi's excluded, which filled Haruhi with foreboding as she followed her fellow Hosts into the dining hall. Try as she might, however, her mind drifted dreamily to a happy place with many varieties of yummy food, until-

"Yay! Haru-chan, have CAAAAAKE!"

Wide eyed, Haruhi gasped at the glittering mountain of pink, frosted, bunny cake that nearly brushed the ceiling. Mori, on the other hand, was busy helping Chika keep his much _smaller_ big brother from diving headfirst into the sugary goo.

"Hunny-sempai," Haruhi mumbled, "that won't be a problem."


End file.
